I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
