Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
