Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
