I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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