Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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