I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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