I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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