we have pet lesbian snakes
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
