He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
