at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
they need to just BURY HIM!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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