I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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