Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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