FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
