Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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