Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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