Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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