I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
