remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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