He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
