im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
