i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
