Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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