He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
