It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
