maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
im holly from the hills drunk
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
