I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
