i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
