our cab driver is having phone sex.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
