Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
