Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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