fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
