If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
