Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
