My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
it's like iHOP with fire
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
