Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
