Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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