She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
you never un-have a 4some
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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