i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
