my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
