Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
