ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
