The maid of honor just puked.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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