I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
