Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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