Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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