I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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