Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
