I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
