if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Never underestimate the power of titties
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
