I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
