ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
