Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
